cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
