dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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