4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let's get the cat blown out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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