I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
