Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
