You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
