U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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