It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
