peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
