textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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