i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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