One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
