evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just had sex bonerless
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
