well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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