Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
