and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
