Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
