note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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