I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
smell my finger.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
