true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
