i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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