turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
