it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
