I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
