The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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