Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
