At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
