there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize