Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ugly people sure do ruin things
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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