I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
