i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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