Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
