thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
