he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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