im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
