you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
