im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
