I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
