he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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