I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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