i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm both gender and math confused
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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