I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
