just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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