considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
