Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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