Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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