he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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