my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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