I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
