I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
