i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
